Whose Responsibility is My Safety Anywho?

I Am Safe
What does it mean to feel safe?  Where does safety really begin: out there…or in here?  Do I feel safe in how I show up in the world – even when I show up in full humanness?  Am I a safe person for others in my life?

To help us get started exploring this theme, I share some thoughts on safety based on experiences. From there I offer two Body Language tools to practice in the Dance Lab time to help create safety both within and without.

Currently, there is this situation in my life where I caused a break in a relationship from an unconscious state of feeling unsafe – hurting someone I deeply care about.

This Soul has since shared with me that, because of my choices and how they landed with them, they do not feel safe with me. 

No surprise really – but still Ouch!

In hearing this, I was given the opportunity to swallow my pride, own my actions, offer an apology and a request:

What can I do to make you feel safe with me?

The thing is ~ even as I heard this heartfelt question come out of my mouth ~ I knew the answer wasn’t and isn’t simple nor clear-cut.

That is because, in my own life, as I have deeply examined how my life on Earth School set me up to experience “unsafeness” from the crib onward, I have come to realize that safety is primarily an inside job.  Sure, there are some things people can do with their energy & body language that can help make us feel safer.

Yet true safety begins at home – within our own bodies and psyches. 

In short, we can only reflect the safety – or lack of safety – to another that we have inside of us.

If we are feeling unsafe, scared, afraid when we act or react in any given situation – then the situation is going to reflect whatever we are feeling – plain and simple.  Whether we are conscious of our level of internal safety or not.

Furthermore, people will mirror back to us that which reflects their own inner reality.  

This means that if both people are feeling unsafe, triggers can abound and the situation could get really sticky, really fast.  A recipe for drama.

If one person is feeling safe and centered, however, then drama can hopefully be minimized while safety for the “unsafe” feeling soul can be addressed.  In this situation, it’s almost as if the person who says they feel unsafe is really asking you to help reflect what safety does feel like back to them so they can get some of that too.

Your goal in any situation: Become the person who is feeling safe and centered.

Now that we have a plan, how can we start creating deeper safety in us for ourselves first –
so we can then reflect it to others?

Why through Body Language and the Lab time of the Dance of course!

For the personal side:
Am I a safe to be seen in all my states – by me?
Am I safe to express myself fully to my Self – without restrictions, limitations or excuses?
Will I stay and be with my Self – or will I run away from my Self by numbing out in some way?
Can I fully hold my Self, hold to my Center when what feels like chaos abounds around me?

For when conflict arises:
Did I act from a place of feeling safe, or unsafe?
What do I need in this situation to feel safe in my own skin?
What am I scared to see about myself and my actions, and how can I be okay seeing this?
How can I reflect that sense of safety outwards?