It was a hot and dusty late September morning in Northern California, close to the Yuba River. I was rather tired yet enlivened from the night before, where I had spent time looking deep into the eyes of a beautiful woman and crying like a baby – along with most of the other women in the room. We had sung hymns, journaled our fears and longings, talked about the Sacred and compassion and love.
It had felt strangely familiar, this setting. Like one I had known within the walls of the Christian Church I had spent so much time in.
Yet, it wasn’t the Church. And these weren’t no Church ladies. Never in my 16 years in the Church had I EVER been seen like I had been seen in just a few short minutes the night before.
I was in a walking cast at that time, 8 weeks into a broken right foot that took her sweet time to heal. But that wasn’t the only thing that was broken in me.
My faith of 16 years in a God that I had utterly believed was my savior and my Father, who I loved with an undying love and served with every ounce in me – a God who I had decided I wanted to commit my life and attend seminary….well just a few short weeks earlier on Labor Day, my faith in this version of God bottomed out.
I was reading Sue Monk Kidd’s book – The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. She was describing her own feminine awakening with words and terms that alarmed me – yet also from somewhere in the depths of my soul CALLED TO ME unlike anything I had ever known before. They felt strangely familiar. Like a little bit of some forgotten home to me.
Then I came upon a story about Theseus and Ariadne. Sue described how women react under patriarchy, especially within the confines of religion. She described how because the norm is ALWAYS the man – that women are ALWAYS looking for a way to be justified thru a man or men. Because that is the only way we can actually be seen in the patriarchy – thru a man.
Women, she went on to share, are always looking for that next “Savior”, whether it be Jesus, or their husband, a lover, a pastor, a friend, their father, a brother, a boss. Always looking outward to the other ~ hoping, praying that someday the “man” will make Her worthy to be seen, heard, felt in the world.
At the moment I finished reading this part of the book, I literally felt the major earthquake as I realized this is what Jesus, pastor sand other men in my life had become. I had been waiting for them to some how justify my existence as a woman, to make me worthy to be alive in this body and to tell me I was okay to be a woman.
That justification though would never come through these means.
It was at that moment I realized I had to let go of the idea, of the belief that something external to my internal reality could “SAVE” me. I KNEW in my being at that moment that only way to “save” me was to do the work myself.
And it was at that moment that I knew what would save me: picking up the deed to my own sensual, sexual being that patriarchy, religion and the government thought was theirs. I knew I was done allowing and blaming “man” for my lack of worthiness as a woman.
I had no idea what would be next.
I just knew I was the rightful owner to my own body. And never again would I allow another to speak or say they owned my body over me.
This is how sexual abuse is perpetrated upon the unknowing, upon the naive and the defenseless.
AND IT IS TIME THIS STOPPED NOW!
Everyone has a right to own their bodies fully as their own. No one external to you has the right to tell you when and how to get turned on, when and how to have sex and when and how to be a woman.
This is a journey deeply personal and individual, and one every woman must learn to take for herself.
Your sensual, sexual love life is not dependent upon another and certainly is NOT what the media nor most religions would paint for you either.
Your sensual, sexual love life is a deep dive into discovering who you are. It is a door into your soul.
Your journey into this area of your life is to be protected with fierce mama wolfness and daddy dragonness. It is to be showered with love and compassion and kindness. It is to be explored with curiosity, vivaciousness and within the safety of what IS RIGHT FOR YOU, as an individual, as a woman, as a soul.
You have every right to talk about this subject openly as I know you long to do, yet feel caught in so many catch 22s that you can’t even get the words out.
You have every right to explore your body – and to be taught how to do it safely, by yourself if you so choose – without the pressure of the world and society and others who are a bit (or a lot) immature in their own development in this area.
I am here to help you on this path. I am here to share how I have done this exploration SAFELY, consciously ~ honoring my faith in myself, in the Divine and in my body. Have I learned some hard lessons. Yes.
And I am here to share those lessons with you – to talk about them openly, holding space for you to take what you need and leave the rest.
If you are ready to break the shackles around your own sensuality as a woman that this world puts on you, then I invite you to consider reaching out to me in one of 3 ways:
One-on-One: Talk to me privately to see how I can help or if I have another in my network that would fit you best. My heart is to see you heal and flourish in this life time fully – and I realize I might not be the best person for this. But I don’t want this to stop you. Schedule an “Investigating Rebirthing” Session with me today here
www.tinyurl.com/investigatingrebirthing
Join our Free Webinar Wed’s at 1:30, a safe space to talk about this area of your life. Next one is here: https://plus.google.com/events/c4fcll3r0kg22k82tk7prg2l5rg
Join my upcoming Rebirthing Sensuality & Intimacy after Birth. More info here: http://www.hollichristinemccormick.com
